14-year-old student Aliya May of Moody Middle School in Virginia is facing potential charges after launching a baby carrot at her teacher’s head as a joke. As she discovered, violence directed toward teachers, even when it involves baby carrots, is no laughing matter.
Aliya, in her defence, thought she threw like a girl; it turns out she did throw like a girl – a girl with awesome accuracy and power. “I didn’t think it would even make it, but it did – smack dab in the middle of the teacher’s forehead,” she recalls. Seeing as the baby carrot was precooked and slightly soggy, it made her direct hit even more impressive. The class inappropriately cheered when the orange projectile hit its target.
It appears after the teacher was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance for baby carrot related injuries, he did the right thing and notified the authorities. A source close to the brave teacher said he thought it best to stop this now. “At first it starts with baby carrots. Next it could be baby corn, and then all of a sudden a teacher is barraged by a hail of button mushrooms,” he said. May has now been on school suspension for over a month and will have to appear before a judge to face the consequences of her reckless behaviour. A spokesperson for the school said, “We are happy with Aliya having to go to court, and fingers crossed she will spend a few years in juvenile detention for the reprehensible crime she committed. There is an epidemic of violence going on at schools, and it’s about time law enforcement and the judicial system are used to punish criminals like Aliya.”
Asked to comment, the NRA said once again this proves teachers need to be armed. Jake Erving, chapter president, said, “If that teacher had been armed he could have shot her right it the face before the potentially killer baby carrot had left her hand.” Also, he added, “It’s about time people start asking the real question. What’s a 14-year-old girl in the USA doing eating baby carrots? That just isn’t right.”
A source inside the intelligence community also noted that Abū Bakr al-Baghdādi, the leader of ISIS, was known to love baby carrots. Whether there is a connection between the two is yet to be known, but it’s a lead they will follow.
Sadly based on a real story
