Veronica Partridge is causing quite a hullabaloo online due to her blog post about why she no longer wears leggings. This news was even more shocking than the time she decided to wear socks with sandals. If you are wondering if people have anything better to do with their time, the answer is obviously “no.” The Christian blogger states that when women wear leggings, “it creates a stronger attraction for a man to look at a woman’s body and may cause them to think lustful thoughts.”
I agree with Veronica and support her 100%. Now, some cynics may say she is projecting. She thinks all men are thinking lustful thoughts, because she herself is thinking lustful thoughts and just assumes so is everyone else. She’s also facing scrutiny because of her over-inflated sense of her own sexiness, but that would be wrong. You should see her in leggings. She’s hot, in the sense of that being what I would think if I was her Christian husband. As a fine upstanding Christian woman, she knows the power of the sins of the flesh and how easily men find it to get a “devil’s boner,” which is any type of erection that isn’t due to your wife being face down in the pillow. She knows from experience how doing downward dog in a hot yoga studio, dripping glistening beads of sweat whilst her breasts heave and you hear her puffing and panting and releasing deep moans as she tries to get the posture right, all with a guy right behind her, may not help him keep his Satan Stiffy under control.
I wish other women were more considerate. I totally understand where she is coming from. Personally, I am sick of women undressing me with their eyes, mentally caressing my fine porcelain skin and visualising licking my body top to toe; it’s just so intrusive. I walk into a coffee shop and straight away the female barista licks her lips and says, “How can I help you?”Jeez, lady, back up a little. Then, as she is steaming the milk, she just keeps ogling me in a way that makes me feel so objectified. My friend said it was because I had food in my beard, but he didn’t see what I saw, that glintof wild, untamed animal passion in her eyes. This is what the city of Sodom must have been like before God’s wrath descended down on them.
At least one person like Veronica is trying to stem the tide of horny horn-dogs getting out of control. Veronica’s husband fully supports her, and he has even decided in solidarity to stop wearing leggings to his own jazz ballet class. For Veronica, this is just one of the issues she takes a stand on. She also is right behind having no gun control, as encouraging people to shoot other people is way less of a problem than the lurid thoughts her tight-fitting yoga pants create. Hello, how can you not agree with that?
Michael Peters is a Christian minister and the inventor of “Erection Detection,” a mobile app that allows Christian women to know who around them has an erection, how hard it is and the length of time they have been erecting. The app requires only a limited amount of touching.