If Jon Snow (Game of Thrones), King Leonidas (300) and Maximus Decimus Meridius (Gladiator) all worked out together, this is probably the method they’d choose. I often imagine that after their workout they would shower together as well, maybe washing the dirt off each other’s backs, using the soapy sponge to get all those hard-to-reach spots. Then I guess they would let each other clean their hard mental maces. Yeah, I imagine that a lot.
Mace Training, inspired by the ancient Persian warrior elite, is an improvement on the sledgehammer that is believed to be a more effective way to build core and rotational strength. You know, because back in Persia at the time, building your core and rotational strength was, like, a big thing. It’s simple to pick up, like a Chupa Chup but only bigger than using something like a barbell, yet compact and versatile enough to use in ways no other piece of fitness equipment can match. You can bring it to the next barbeque you go to; it’s great for tenderising steak, and why not bring it to your next marriage counselling session as a symbol of the elite warrior courage you will use to address your suppressed emotional wounds? With a hollow metal handle and anywhere from 7 to 25 pounds of steel on one end, it’s the most phallic of stuff to train with, and you can see in the gay community why the mace has been so popular. The unbalanced nature of the mace challenges you to not be unbalanced, and you need to know that dropping it on your toes with flip flops on really fucking hurts. Trust me, I know. Everything from head to toe is called upon to move and stabilise with the mace, making it the perfect strength and conditioning tool to burn calories and smash the fuck out of anything that gets in your way.
So what does typical Mace Training look like? We asked Daz to share a beginner workout to get a sense of how this method can really push you to your limits.
Mace Workout 1: Where is my cheese?
When you see that sneaky little bastard scurry over for the free cheese buffet, take your mace and try to smash it. If you miss (and it’s likely you will), just chase Speedy Gonzales around, smashing every time you see a chance.You may need to retile your kitchen, but you will get a great workout.
Cardio and Mace Workout 2: Mace and Race
Find a biker bar that is busy one evening. Let’s say, for instance, your local outlaw biker gang’s favourite dive. The more Harleys parked out front, the better.
Then take out the mace and smash the shit out of as many bikes as you can in around 10 to 20 seconds (20 tops). You would be amazed at how much damage this bad boy can do in such a short time.
Then, when the psychotic outlaw bikers come running out the door, it’s time for the cardio part of the workout. You drop that mace and just fucking pelt it. You need to run for your life, literally; if they catch you they will kill you. Seeing as how they will likely also be trying to shoot you, incorporate some hip rotation and side-to-side movements to jazz it up a little whilst trying to dodge the bullets.