This is a huge issue that many women need to pay attention to, as it impacts all women earning annually over 20 million. The Sony email hack revealed that my co-stars with dicks and scrotums were getting more money than me, even though in the movies I was way more of a big deal. I saw they pushed hard and fast, whilst I was meekly and politely asking for a few million. I know there are a lot of issues to get mad about, like violence towards women, the US’s barbaric foreign policy, or the financial fraud that’s put millions into poverty, but this issue of me getting fewer millions than the dudes is just one I can’t let go.
Last year, I got 52 million, when maybe I could have got 60 million if I had a cock and two balls. How is that justice? How is that close to fair? The thing about earning millions of dollars for essentially just pretending to be other people in movies is bizarre in itself, yet once you get a taste of the green, of course you just want more. The fact that I am not as openly brazen about my greed is something I need to fix. I don’t see men apologising for getting obscene amounts of money in a society where the majority are surrounded by structural violence and bound by debt peonage, so I am going to take a leaf out their book and start feeling even more entitled until I get even more filthy rich. I think many women can relate to that feeling of losing millions of dollars and feeling really hard done by.
Lena Dunham, another rich, entitled millionaire like me, has allowed me a voice through her faux-feminist newsletter to express my frustration at not being richer than I should be. She told me herself that we female 20-something multi- millionaires have to stick together, and next time Taylor Swift makes a video maybe I should think about joining in. The music video for “Bad Blood,” Lena told me, was an awesome fictitious feminist experience. I think they deserved the pat on the back they gave themselves for calling the video “feminist” without addressing any serious issues regarding women and gender roles. Hot models, Spandex, violence, knives and blowing stuff up can be feminist statements just by saying they are. It was so empowering they could glorify violence and be sexually objectified on their terms, not men’s. Within the video, other than Lena puffing on a cigar, the stereotypical image of beauty being skinny and hot was all there, but in a totally female empowering way.
Yet even if I star in one of Swiftie’s music videos, it will not change the wrong that needs to be righted. When all is said and done, I will not rest until this injustice has been addressed and I get as offensively rich as those in cock kingdom.