A school in Mandurah, Australia is in the news today for its treatment of a seven-year-old girl with two dads. Two very gay dads. Brendan (he’s not using his last name to protect his daughter’s identity) told the Mandurah Mail he was called into a parent meeting with Foundation United Christian College (FUCC) principal, Andrew Newhouse, and told that his daughter brought up the fact that her dads are gay during class. This was a problem for the school because, as the principal said, they “don’t promote gay,” and he will keep his daughter out of school if she brings up her parents again.
“My daughter got talking about Tony Abbott and gay marriage and mentioned that her dad is with [my partner] and she was shut down by her teacher who then had to explain to the class what ‘gay’ is. … The man on man, what goes in what hole, ended up being an awkward topic for the seven-year-olds to grasp.” A teacher in the adjoining classroom claims that, “It was great chance to make the ‘it’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve’ reference that all Christians love any opportunity to humorously let out.”
A mother, who is the unofficial hub of all gossip, rumour, and innuendo, said, “the school was most concerned about the gay virus being spread and other children getting infected.” With great intensity and drama she claimed, “within the born-again Christian community, we practice the Lord’s gospel of love and tolerance, but in that there was no mention of gays being included. It’s a known fact that gayness spreads like Ebola and that just by coughing on someone, you can catch the gay. When it was first discovered that she was in direct contact with a gay, the girl was immediately quarantined in the girls’ P.E lockers rooms in order to ensure that an outbreak was prevented.” Mrs Gossip also told us, “a committee has been formed so that over the coming weeks all boys will be monitored for an increased interest in musicals, fashion, flower arrangements, and Harry from One Direction’s abs. Girls will be monitored for an increased interest in cricket, rugby, and the show Eileen. Many of the parents are outraged that their kids had even been exposed to the gay in the first place.”
Later that afternoon a small lynch mob armed with pitchforks, machetes, and torches and shouting “release the child” and “let God’s wrath be done” gathered at the school’s entrance, The school blabbermouth went on to say, “We are not sure if she will continue at the school, but if she does, she needs to know that her and her two so-called “daddies” will burn in hell for all eternity. I know that’s hard for a seven-year-old to accept, but what can I say, you can’t argue with science.”