20 Things That Make Guys Sexy AF That Have Nothing to Do With Looks

It's only fair to share...Share on Facebook
Facebook
Tweet about this on Twitter
Twitter
Share on LinkedIn
Linkedin
  1. smartgraphic BAHe sounds smart when he talks, but he is not actually smart.We love a guy who can intellectually engage us and whose veneer of intelligence is glossy enough to pass as being smart to our friends. Yet, let’s face it; what really brings on the lady boner is knowing you’re his intellectual superior. Watching him struggle to do addition and hearing him tell his equally dumb friends that “surreptitious” is an Italian desert? That’s a lady jizz maker right there.
  2. Speaking of! He tries to get you off every now and then. Truth is, ladies, we do need to set the bar way lower. Men are essentially lazy and selfish. If you can find a guy who will munch down in rug town for more than five minutes at least a few times a month, you are onto a keeper.
  3. His apartment is clean. OCD clean.He would never have you over when there’s a pizza crust, be it his or his roommate’s, sitting in his sink, as he has no roommate. No way is he meticulously clean. Ok, it’s bit of a bummer having to wash your hands five times every time you enter his flat, but having him over twice a week pretty much assures your own flat gets seriously spick and span on a regular basis. That is my cream dream.

3a.  ~*Red Flag*~  If he makes his bed every day, this may indicate he once was in Scouts. Scouts are notorious child molesters. He may be a child molester.

  1. When he sees a woman struggling to get her bag into the overhead bin on a plane or up a flight of stairs, he uses her weakness to push in or take the space. Chivalry is as dead as a dodo, and his Alpha male “get out of my way, grandma” style gives you the real dirty damps.
  2. He is capable of planning things.Dating a control freak does have it benefits. He will plan your wardrobe, your weekend trips, who you speak to and when, what you say and how you act. “I must never deviate from the plan. Never.” You have to repeat that a hundred times a day like you mean it. Like he says, just chill-ax and do what you’re told. How easy is this? You don’t even need to think. Because he has his shit together and asserts total dominance in all areas of your life, he is like having your own Christian Grey, without the money, looks or piano skills. Sexy? You bet. Afraid? Mostly that.
  3. He’s the one in his friend group who none of the friends rely on.He has a reputation for letting friends down and making promises he doesn’t keep. His circle of friends seems to be dwindling, because they are just tiring of his bullshit excuses. This means more time for you and him. More time equals more sex. More sex equals more sexiness.
  4. He has a fake accent.Any kind of accent. Southern, French, Boston, Alien, Robot — his pretentious and contrived inflections just make your insides tingle.
  5. Soon he tells you it will be an Olympic sport, so you better get training.
    Soon he tells you it will be an Olympic sport, so you better get training.

    He can pick you up and swing you around in a pool of jelly.Having a guy who loves foxy boxing and bikini mud wrestling means you get to hang out, watch sports and leer at half-naked women. What’s not to like?

  6. He is picky about who his sister dates.Due to his massive inferiority complex, he fears his sister will date a man who his father will treat like the son he never had. Ensuring she only dates losers allows him to avoid the inevitable and crushing rejection of his father. It’s like Falcon Crest, but sadder and sexier.
  7. He honestly thinks all your insecurities are insane.Like when you say, “The voice from the TV tells me you don’t like me,” or “I think you’re an alien inhabiting my former boyfriend’s body, but you still need to make me toast,” he reminds you to go back on your meds. Goddamn it, he cares.
  8. He can make an order in the drive thru without getting stressed.Be it KFC, Burger King or McDonald’s, he is a super pro. The way he rolls up to the speaker and eases his way to the window, all without breaking a sweat, is truly remarkable. He’s also on TV as Mr. Miser, because he was the guy who broke that 133-person “pay it forward” thing. His specialness makes you sups randy.
  9. He has wise advice about your friends’ dating situations.This mainly consists of telling them to give it up quicker, do anal and talk less. He often suggests a threesome with you guys as the solution to her dating problems. It’s like he is caring and kinky.
  10. He doesn’t know how to interact with kids.If you’re ever in the presence of a 2-year-old, you can bet your man will start recoiling and stressing out. He detests the vulnerability and innocence of children. He seems to relate better to his pet snake, Otto. Cue ovary explosion.
  11. ikea-manHe can put together an Ikea set of draws.A job that a mentally challenged monkey could do makes him feel proud and masculine. You pretend how amazing you think he is. He called his mum and sent her a picture of his biggest accomplishment in the last five years. Being both a moron and arrogant makes him cute, kind of like a raccoon that’s just been run over.
  12. He will never go buy you tampons when you just can’t even.Periods don’t make you feel sexy, and cramps definitely don’t make you feel sexy, but when he doesn’t offer to go out and get tampons for you when you’re curled up on the couch wanting to die, it shows how he can assert himself. He tells me Shark Week is not his problem and Candy Crush isn’t going to play itself. That’s my baby boo boo.
  13. He carries you when your feet hurt from your shoes.​When walking feels damn near impossible, he scoops you up and carts you home. On the following days, he doesn’t stop going on about how amazing his 20-meter piggyback was. He even posts it as a status update on Facebook and sulks because only you and his mum liked it. A week later, he complains you have put his back out and maybe you need to lose some weight. His encouragement for you to better yourself makes you tots horn-dog.
  14. He doesn’t wear just the right amount of good cologne.It seems like he has either taken a bath in that cheap Calvin Klein knock off, or he just stinks of sweat and mouldy socks. When you hug him and your nose nestles into his neck and you catch that grotesquescent emanating from his body heat… UGH. Justugh.
  15. When you’re cold, he will never make any effort to make you warm.He knows that every time you two dress up to go somewhere, you will inevitably bug him about wearing his jacket. He will say, “Surely you have some measure of weather? Why should I freeze because you’re too stupid to bring a warm enough jacket? Read Ayn Rand and get with the program.” He has a point, and that’s damn erogenous.
  16. He’s fun to do just about anything with.​Except the things you enjoy. When it comes to doing the stuff he loves, he is sooooo much fun. When you try to do something you like, he sulks, gets a headache, or just doesn’t turn up. His consistent douche-baggery triggers an odd type of arousal, which probably stems from your unresolved childhood wounds.
  17. He never puts you before himself.Never.

 

(Visited 108 times, 1 visits today)
It's only fair to share...Share on Facebook
Facebook
Tweet about this on Twitter
Twitter
Share on LinkedIn
Linkedin

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.