One thing I remember most about my childhood in Australia was the large amount of laughs we used to have. Me and my mates would laugh and joke all day long. Yet sadly it seems, for this generation of kids, the femi-nazis and PC police have taken the sanctity of childhood laughter and flushed it down their politically correct gender-neutral toilet.
I used to love nothing better when I was young, whilst we sat around the pool on hot summer days, than to break out the old Abo jokes (or whatever poor, underrepresented minority community you lorded over). Everyone who was anyone knew a few Abo jokes, and before you knew it we would be rolling around on the grass uncomfortably laughing at how poor, destitute and maltreated they really were. Most of the jokes were somehow related to their being drunk, lazy or unlawfully killed, all points of comedy gold. Yet these days, kids cower in terror if they dare be seen letting rip a few classic black-fella jokes.
It’s not just the Abo jokes that are now off limits. Among Pakis, Chinks, Towelheads, Polacks and Spicks, it seems like no one has a sense of humour anymore. Cracking jokes about helpless minorities is what being a Caucasian kid is all about. If being the superior and socially dominate group doesn’t even allow you to make jokes at the expense of the less fortunate, then what’s the point? Yet it’s not just good old-fashioned race-related jokes that are now frowned upon. Making jokes about faggots and rug-munching lesbos also seems somehow taboo. I told my 5-year-old son to say this joke in class: Q) What do you call a gay dinosaur? A) mega-sore-ass. In my day, I would have been cheered on by both the teacher and my classmates. Instead, we got called up by the school and asked where he heard this. Of course, we blamed it on his Uncle Kevin, but that’s not the point.
The same goes for people with mental disorders. I remember when someone did something stupid or moronic we could rightfully call them a “spas” or “retard.” Now you can’t even ironically call them mentally challenged without some PC poonce frowning down their nose at you. Anyone short-changed you could call a Jew. Anyone who wanted something back after they gave it to you was called an Indian giver. These insensitive and belittling terms were staples of my childhood lexicon that have been replaced with pooncey fairy talk. The only minority that seems tolerant of having a few jokes directed at them is the Irish. You can still associate “Irish” with being stupid without too much trouble, but mark my word, one day Paddy jokes will also be off limits.
So I really feel sad that this cultural shift in regards to being thoughtful and non-derogatory toward minority groups has made of us, the majority, less as a people. I don’t hear the kids anymore sniggering and giggling while staring at someone they feel threatened by due solely to the fact that they are different. Little do they know, they are missing a crucial part of the childhood experience of looking down on others and feeling superior. Take this away for too long and how the hell do the LNP expect to get new members? What a sad day for Australia. Joining the Reclaim Australia movement has at least given me a forum where I can attempt to reclaim, for the children’s sake, the classic jokes beloved by all white kids. Jokes that belittle others should be a right that all kids should be able to openly and unapologetically direct toward a voiceless group. What did the ANZAC fight for if it wasn’t that? If they take this away from us, I ask you, what will they come after next? What, jokes about how women and Asians can’t drive? If they do, remember I told you so.
Paul Hennessey, AKA Chook, is an aspiring writer who has been featured in Jizz and Barely Legal. He channels his repressed homosexuality into the patriot group Reclaim Australia, and one day hopes to become an astronaut. He also colours really well and hardly ever goes outside of the lines.