By Francis Nicholson
A YouTube video of your wedding proposal? That’s so last year, loser. Now it’s about doing a YouTube video of your invitation. Weddings have never before been grander than they are these days, and it’s fucking pissing me off! It’s not just throwing a fabulous wedding that you resent years from now, when end up in debt up to your eyeballs, Now, the one-up-manship has spread to the fucking invitation. A slick production that you can watch years from now and wonder out loud, “why did we waste so much money on that invitation. How much did we pay that prick again?”
A Save The Date video is a witty play on words that serves as an invitation to all of your loved ones, so that they know immediately it’s not only going to be so much better than your sister’s wedding, but also just how chic and 2016 your wedding will be! Is there any better way to remind your friends and family that they better not miss the wedding than fucking guilt trips? Free booze doesn’t seem to cut it anymore.
Watch this sappy and contrived piece that celebrates the virtue of narcissism by WeddingNama. It will remind you just how poor you are and how piss weak your wedding was, in particular those crappy invites. As you watch it, you’ll wonder, “is this a life insurance ad or maybe a new ad for Vodafone or Viagra?” There is a lot of picking up and swirling his bride-to-be around. Of course, there is also lots of kissing (no tongue) and gazing deeply into each other’s eye. In all, it just tells the world, “we are so in love right now, and no, we don’t have any idea about the kind of train-wreck our relationship will end up being.” There is absolutely no nudity, which really makes me think that they didn’t really think this through. There are some beautiful panoramic shots, of what I assume is Turkey, that are all spoiled by their two noggins popping up all over the place. It’s such a shiny piece of romance porn that I can’t help thinking, “did we need even more reasons to hate the wedding industry and smug wealthy couples?” Well, it appears that we do.
Looking at this on YouTube, I realised that the company WeddingNama is to blame and to whom all trolling and hate mail should be directed. Their YouTube channel is a virtual blocked-up toilet with dozens of romance turds floating around. They claim that, “you create memoires and we capture them.” They leave out that this service is for huge price and that they will make you guys seem so in love and so blissfully happy,that someone watching will wonder, “who are these people? Whoever they are, I think I hate them.” If you have the stomach and too much spare time, like myself, watch a few and see if I am just bitter and cynical or if they really are the romance cow patties I perceive them to be. Just to get a feel for where all this leads to, check this wedding video:
Honestly, I think the couple were trying to top the ceremony at the Bejing Olympics. It’s, like, how fucking rich are these guys? She literally has servants carrying her into the wedding on some kind of chair. I mean, it does look like cool wedding, everyone seems to be having great time and the wedding ritual itself looks beautiful. Yet, it is such an obscene and ostentatious flaunting of wealth, in country where hundreds of millions live in abject poverty. Come on! It’s a fucking wedding, for Christ sake, not the day man first walked on the moon. It’s like, “Yo! Poor people of India! Check it out! What you make in ten years, I just blew on this limousine that drove me here. I love being an entitled, rich kid. And if you didn’t know it already, let me show you how stinking filthy fucking rich I am by wiping my bum with $100 bill. Suck it losers!”